School Started Yesterday. What Am I Doing?

There's a mindset you get in before the first day of school. You pack your little school bag with brand new, fresh smelling paper and pencils and folders with birds on them, your head swimming with all the wonderful things you're going to learn and all the great things you're going to do with that new knowledge.

Then you show up and they suck all the fun out of it. I mean, really, is there anything worse than the first day of school? Anything? I can't think. Everything in my mind was so clear, my calendar was completely empty, my Awesome Notes assignment folder had one solitary thing in it. Now all of these are bursting at the seams. Do you know how depressing it is to look at your calendar and not have a single blank space on it, except Sunday, and that'll just be all taken up by "the Lord."

I realize that this is complaining, and that I shouldn't complain because aren't I so lucky to be in a nursing program such as this, and wouldn't other girls my age love to be in the program instead, and really shouldn't I be so happy to be here? Yes. I agree. Moving on.

I'm just trying to wrap my head around it. I know that every semester I look at my assignments and claim there's no way I can get it all done, and that somehow it does all get done. But this time, I swear, I really don't know how it's all going to get done. Pile onto that my online Sociology class, which started yesterday and yet there's no message from the instructor, not even any lectures posted, and I'm a little on edge. I should have done my yoga today.

And I'm eating terribly. I started out well, with a healthy homemade smoothie this morning, but I chased that with about ten pretzel M&Ms. I know I shouldn't even have them in the house, but there they are, sitting in a mug on my desk, all their pretty colors singing "eat me! Eeeeeeeeat me!" Mmmm. Orange one.

I will do this, however. I will get it done. I will go to SIM, and get my lab hours done, and do well in clinicals, and complete all my papers, and get A's on every test, and do my ATI exams and attend every lecture.

I will eat a vegetable today!