And I thought the FAFSA was bad. Scholarships have got to be the greatest, most colossal waste of my time ever. Unless I'm some kind of brainiac (nope), the next Michael Jordan (way nope), or was born on an Indian Reservation (they may prefer to be called Native American), then there's no way I'm getting anything. And I can hear your protests now: "But you're going to nursing school. There has to be thousands of scholarships out there for nurses." Oh, there is. There is.
But these people never intend to hand it out. That's why they make the application process so hard. You name - easy. Address - no problem. Official transcripts - okay, that might take some time, but doable. Essay on who you would have lunch with, alive or dead - okay...I guess I could do that. Your picture - What? No, I'm serious. One scholarship program designed expressly for nurses asked for a picture. There was even a box to paste it in. What is that? They don't give scholarships to ugly people now? Or maybe it's the pretty ones they don't like, maybe someone is trying to even out the cosmic forces that seem to favor beauty over non-beauty, as defined by a modern society. Who knows? Then they want aptitude testing scores. I don't even know where that would be if I even knew whether or not I took it if I even knew what it was. Then I'm supposed to march into school and track down the director of the program and get them to sign the form. Then, and only then can I put my name in. Ridiculous. I don't even have to exaggerate on this one. I've had it. I'm not writing twelve different essays about eating lunch with dead people, or what kind of a tree I would be if I were a tree, or whether or not I would shoot baby Hitler (actually, that's a good one. I made that one up. It's too good to be real).
People are always saying how hundreds of thousands of dollars in grant and scholarship money goes unclaimed every year, and how it's so sad for these programs that just want to put money into the hands of worthy students. Well how 'bout this, bleeding hearts: how about you all get together and make one big application so that normal people with normal time schedules can have a shot? How about that? Like a FAFSA for scholarships. You put in all your dumb information, then you write one dumb essay on, oh I don't know, maybe something about you. What you plan to do when you graduate. Just putting it out there. Then, all these scholarship people who are just dying to give money away can all go to the same place and choose the kids they like the best. It's that simple. Think about it.
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